Last Easter, sitting at my parents’ house, I found myself reflecting on one of leadership’s most challenging responsibilities: delivering bad news. As an HR director, I’ve conducted many terminations over the years. But that day, I gained a new perspective from an unexpected source.
My stepfather, a former sheriff’s deputy, and my mother, a former deputy county coroner, had spent decades delivering the most devastating news imaginable to families. While terminating an employee isn’t comparable to a death notification, both situations represent potentially life-altering moments that demand careful handling.
“How were you trained to do it?” I asked them.
My stepfather shared the PARIS technique – a structured approach that, I realized, offers valuable wisdom for any leader faced with delivering difficult news.
The PARIS Technique: A Framework for Difficult Conversations
Prepare
“Early in my career,” my stepfather told me, “I was accompanied by a chaplain on a death notification. When the family answered the door, he asked if he could come in and make a pot of coffee to chat. Those minutes of uncertainty were excruciating for the family. Their minds were racing, anxiety building with every casual comment.”
In both law enforcement and employment situations, prolonging the inevitable with small talk isn’t kindness – it’s cruelty. The brain’s threat response system activates the moment authority figures appear unexpectedly. Proper preparation means creating appropriate space and moving directly to the purpose: “I have bad news.”
I’ve witnessed similar mistakes in termination meetings. A senior leader once opened by introducing himself, making small talk, and praising the employee’s contributions – all before delivering news of termination. This approach doesn’t ease the blow; it creates confusion and often leads to deeper resentment.
Announce
“You have to be direct,” my stepfather emphasized. “No euphemisms, no softening. You tell them clearly that their loved one is dead.” In his experience, phrases like “passed away” or “no longer with us” only prolonged the brain’s acceptance of reality.
The same principle applies in employment termination. “Your employment is being terminated effective today” is far clearer than dancing around the subject with phrases like “we need to make some changes” or “we’re going in a different direction.” Clarity, while seemingly harsh, actually helps the brain begin processing the reality of the situation.
Respond
“Everyone reacts differently,” my mother added, recalling her years as a deputy coroner. “I’ve seen silence, tears, anger, even laughter – all normal responses to shock.” The key is creating space for these natural reactions while maintaining awareness of safety.
In termination meetings, this means allowing the employee to process the news in their own way. Some will sit quietly, others might argue or become emotional. The brain needs time to catch up with this sudden change in reality. As leaders, our role is to remain present and composed while being alert to any concerning reactions.
Information
This is where both law enforcement and HR professionals must find the right balance. My stepfather explained that families need enough information to understand what happened, but not so much detail that it overwhelms them in their shocked state.
In employment situations, this means providing clear, essential information about final pay, benefits, and next steps. This isn’t the time for lengthy explanations or debates about the decision – those only serve to confuse and potentially escalate tensions.
Support
“How do you show support in moments like that?” I asked my stepfather. His answer surprised me. “Sometimes we’d pray with them if they asked. Sometimes we’d just sit in silence. Sometimes, yes, we’d even hug them. They’re going through one of the worst moments of their life.”
While employment terminations require different boundaries, the principle remains: we’re dealing with human beings experiencing a significant loss. Support means ensuring they have resources, clear next steps, and their dignity intact.
The Impact of Getting It Right
When difficult news is delivered with clarity and dignity, it not only helps the recipient process the information more effectively – it also reduces the risk of retaliation or safety concerns. People who feel respected during challenging moments are less likely to harbor resentment that could lead to threatening behavior.
My conversation with my parents that Easter afternoon reminded me that whether we’re law enforcement officers or business leaders, we have a profound responsibility when delivering life-changing news. The PARIS technique isn’t just a procedure – it’s a framework for maintaining human dignity during life’s hardest moments.